Do You Think It's Easy?
By MC

Synopsis: Peter thinks about his place in the Marauders

**

Just who am I in this group?

Sirius, you're the leader. There's no denying it. No one can be as gregarious and bullheaded as you without becoming the leader of the pack. You come up with the wild suggestions. You drag us into every single one of your crazy schemes. You're the one all of the girls fall in love with. You've got that long, wild black hair the girls love to run their fingers through. You've got those stunning sky blue eyes that stare right into you.

It's not easy being short, fat and ugly. No girl ever wanted to touch me. It was a game to them. Let's attract pathetic Pettigrew and then stomp on his heart. He won't feel anything. Only attractive people have emotions. We can flirt with Pettigrew and then go shag Black. That's the way those whores get their fun.

James, you're the brains. Sirius may have the wild plans, but you have the smart ones. You've never gotten us caught. It was your idea to become animagi. You're the guy everyone likes. You're an idol to the school. You and Lily are the most popular couple in school. You're the Quidditch hero. You've won Gryffindor the House Cup almost single-handedly for the last seven years. You've got such honest good looks. That untamable brown hair and those sweet chocolate eyes and always good-natured smile.

It's not easy being stupid and unnoticeable. I'm the shadow in the spotlight that is James Potter. I am the quiet affirmative to your sensible plans. I'm nothing but your follower. I would follow you to the ends of the earth, as long as it meant I could stand behind you. If I could feel just a bit of the heat of your radiance, my life is complete.

Remus, you're the heart. You're the most sensitive, the sweetest; the shy and tortured soul. Even though you say as little as I do, you're still noticed. You're the enigma. The girls are obsessed with the idea of cracking the mystery that is you. Everyone wants to know who you are. When you're tired and sick, they just want to take care of you. No one can look into your sad hazel eyes without feeling your pain and wanting to soothe it.

It's not easy being suffering silently. No one cares if I have my pain. I carry the burden of my existence just as you do. Yet no one wants to hold me, take my fears away. We all have pain. The world is falling apart. I am frightened and confused. I'm not allowed to brood as you are. Don't be such a whiner, Peter. It's pathetic. Why is it pathetic on me and alluring on you?

It's not easy being the rat. An animagus takes the form of your personality. James, you're the stag: proud, majestic and gentle. Sirius, you're the dog: loyal, scrappy and loveable. Remus, you're the wolf. You think of it as a curse. Yet what is a better morph? A ferocious and brave fighter, or a scrawny and filthy bit of vermin?

I don't fit in with the pack. I never did. Even when I did have an idea, it was quickly forgotten. If I ever had one that was worth mentioning, you three always got the credit. You forget who came up with the idea for the Marauder's Map. No, it couldn't have been Peter to have thought up such a brilliant scheme. You may have charmed the parchment, but it was my plan.

You don't know about me. I am more devious than you will give me credit for. Someday I will rise above you. Someday I will have my moment. I will be on everyone's mind, if just for a moment. Something will happen, something will snap. My name will be on everyone's lips and yours just a distant, fading memory.

It's not easy being Peter Pettigrew.

**

Author's Notes: So, what do you think? Is it okay? I've never written Peter-sympathetic before. I enjoyed it though. I realize this has slightly slashy overtones. I don't think it's so much Peter is in love with MPP. He is in love with being them.